Tag Archives: Life

Pain

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Although my new book is fiction, it is rooted in my experience. As I write about the mother and her hatred for her daughter that stems from her hatred of homosexuals, I can’t help but wonder what happened to the pictures that my mother had of me. I wonder if she burned them.  I wonder if she threw them away. I wonder if when she takes out her photo albums to look back at times past, if there are empty spaces where I once was, or has she filled them with someone who took my place? I wonder if she left them there and pretends that I died on the day that she walked away from me. I wonder if she wonders the same thing.

I long to move forward and forget this pain, but it won’t go away. So, I write it. I write it in hopes of offering solidarity to someone who may suffer as well. I write it in hopes of saving someone from hurting their own child out of ignorance. Someone may respond to this and say, “Your mother loves you,” or something with the good intentions of comforting me. I don’t need comfort. I write to get it out, not for sympathy. Besides, I know a mother’s love. And, no fear of eternal flames could keep me from giving it. I would walk through those flames for my children no matter who they loved or what they did. They are and always will be mine.

{Sexual Harassment Series} Women, Ask Yourself: Am I Part of the Problem?

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In discussing Sexual Harassment Training, I have come across many instances of women who are creating the problem rather than solving it. I believe that I can speak for those of us who have been damaged by sexual harassment/assault, when I say, “Stop!” If you are participating in behavior that reinforces sexual harassment, then, I demand you to quit.

One example of women who are reinforcing this issue is the woman who uses her sexuality to get what she wants. In 2017, if you think that getting what you want by flirting or using your sexuality is okay, you’re wrong. You should only be getting what you want by means of intelligence, skills, and capabilities. Otherwise, you are part of the problem.

In trying to end sexual harassment, solidarity is required. If you want to flirt, that is your prerogative. I’m not slut-shaming. I’m not trying to say that there is anything wrong with exuding sexuality. I’m saying when someone purposefully uses their sexuality to obtain a position, a raise, or other benefits, then it becomes a different issue. This is why people think that sexual harassment is okay: because some women accept it.

I do not want to obtain a higher position because of my sexuality. I do not want to get a raise because of my sexuality. I want to obtain a higher position because I am smart, strong, and competent. I want to obtain a raise because I earned it. Women taking shortcuts and allowing their sexuality to be used are demeaning the accomplishments of people like me, and ultimately, I am sick of it.

Resumes and Interviewing Skills for Free? Stop Bombing Interviews NOW!

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I used to be terrible at interviews, and since I can’t stand being terrible at things, I decided to do what I do best and research ways to get better. Granted, my wife also helped me because of her experience as a supervisor. With her expertise and some of my solutions development skills, I put together a brief course that can help people master resumes and interviews with REAL knowledge.

When I would interview, I would either “prepare” by Googling information or just wing it. First, Googling information is no longer a feasible means of preparation. Having a plethora of information is overwhelming and useless. Having knowledge is actually understanding the information and being able to apply it. Second, winging it is never a good idea. I would go in, unprepared, and when I would be asked a question that I did not know the answer to, I would laugh. Nervous laughter would come bursting from my gut. It was horribly embarrassing, and it never ended well. I would leave hating myself, and I would not get the job. Why would someone want to hire someone who was obviously unprepared and crazy?

These experiences fueled me to create this course, and to use the information myself to improve my resume writing skills and my interviewing skills. I developed simple formulas for answering questions, and traits to enhance the resume. If you too want to improve these skills, go here to access the free course:

(https://julie-still-rolin.mykajabi.com/products/job-acquisition-skills)

Job Acquisition Skills

Divorce Sucks but the Results Are Great

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Divorce Sucks but the Results Are Great

I stayed in a marriage for too long because of the frightening process of divorce. I had kids, so I was scared to hurt them. I was a woman, so I was scared to be financially screwed. However, as I was writing my book this morning, I realized that I focused a lot on the process and not the product. Most of the time, the process is more important than the product, but not in divorce. The product of divorce is freedom! Nearly nothing is better than freedom. I wish that the many times I had attempted to end my marriage I could have seen the freedom. I would have pushed through all the bullshit sooner so I could quit wasting my time.

I talk a lot about divorce in my book because it was a major turning point in my life. I was a different person before I got a divorce because I was trapped in a bad situation. Being free has allowed me to change in so many ways for the better. My health has improved, my financial situation has actually improved, and my confidence has improved. I am following my dreams (cheesy, yes, but true!) because I am no longer held back by a negative view of life. Divorce sucked. People got hurt; money was blown; things changed. But, at the end of the day, these struggles were invaluable learning experiences. And, the light at the end of the tunnel is amazing. It was truly worth it.

I am in the editing process of writing, so, fingers crossed, the book will be out soon. I’m self publishing for the first time and am super nervous and excited about it. I will be writing about the process as well. The book is going to be called, Evolving Through Bullshit. Maybe you’ll try it out.

No More Bullshit?

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Image result for no more bullshit

I’ve finally decided to jump in to my dream of writing and stick with it. I’ve always had a writing project in the works, but I’ve never felt so passionate about it as I do this new one. So, I’m going to share some of it with my audience in hopes of finding encouragement to keep up the momentum. I’m 20,000 words in, so I feel pretty confident about it. If you have any opinions, please share.

I’m still playing around with a title, but I like No More Bullshit: Life Lessons because it encompasses the premise of the book, which is ultimately about the changes I’ve made in my life after becoming more enlightened. The book also contains my real voice, which is a potty mouth accompanying my Southern accent and intellectualism. I want people to be aware that this is supposed to be a humorous look at the experiences that prompted me to change. It is not faith-based although I do incorporate some spirituality that has helped me, so I do not want the wrong audience to pick up the book and be offended.

So, if you have any feedback, I’d really appreciate it. Feel free to comment.

Sexual Harassment Training

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As a consultant, I identify problem areas, research best practices, put my own spin on these practices, and conduct training. With sexual harassment, it’s personal. I have been a victim of sexual harassment all too often. Unfortunately, the online training and video training that I have always been required to participate in has not helped me in any way know how to actually handle sexual harassment in the workplace.

What happens to organizations when sexual harassment training fails?

  • They are at risk of a lawsuit
    • Lawsuits are expensive, duh
    • Lawsuits are time-consuming
    • Lawsuits can be detrimental to an organization’s reputation
  • A hostile work environment is created
    • Even if there is no lawsuit, problems are still created
    • Employees need to feel safe and protected by the organization
    • When employees do not feel safe, they lose their loyalty, their enthusiasm, and their confidence in the organization

The misconception that you are safe if you are not involved is being torn down. If you are a leader and you do not practice due care to prevent sexual harassment, you can be held responsible for someone else’s actions. Look at Penn State. Leaders who had nothing to do with the charges are responsible for the lack of handling the situation.

It’s time to be pro-active and get proper training!

WHY CHOOSE ME?

I understand sexual harassment from the inside. I know that it is not easy to deal with sexual harassment at a job that you have worked hard to obtain. I know that people get backed into corners and file lawsuits out of desperation. But, I believe that lawsuits are not the answer. They do not help the situation. I want to help both victims and organizations avoid lawsuits and end sexual harassment. What has been done is not working, so it’s time to try something new.

My sessions will not only cover the legal and organizational needs, but they will also help to develop stronger employees. I have researched the problems with current training and developed solutions for better training. The sessions are fun and interactive, which means that they will last. I will continue to provide assistance as needed even after training.

OSHA says that online/video training is not sufficient for sexual harassment training. What does this mean? That if this is the only method of sexual harassment training an organization employs, and there is a sexual harassment incident at that organization, the organization can be held liable for not having proper training.

FOR VICTIMS:

Everyone knows what sexual harassment is, and everyone knows that it is illegal. However, you may not know how to deal with sexual harassment when dealing with it threatens your career and your livelihood. You are not alone in this.

For information on how to book my services go to my website: julietsmilesconsulting

 

What Have I Done to My Kids? No, Real Question. Please Answer.

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While visiting my sister today, my son and I were sitting in the floor playing princesses with my 3 year old niece when my 10 year old said something like, “Let’s talk about ‘How to Make Love Like a Porn Star.'” I was taken back for a moment, then I realized that this is, of course, my kid, and he has not been sheltered. First of all, he doesn’t know how to make love like a porn star. On our recent trip to New York, he saw a copy of Jenna Jamison’s book on the shelf. We had a conversation about it. No biggy, just the title of a book, right? Well, I’ve gone back and forth in my mind about how to raise my kids. Should I shelter them? Should I expose them to things and have conversations about them? I went with the latter because I feel that it is better for them to hear it from me than someone else. I also feel that the more stigma or taboo we put on things, the more curious kids and teens become about them, driving them towards experimentation. So, we have regular conversations about sex, drugs, addiction, religion, crime, etc. My question is, am I corrupting my kids too early?

      My daughter has a friend who is forbidden from reading things like Harry Potter and Twilight, while I encourage them so we can talk about it. Last year we read the entire series of Harry Potter, and we talked about the implications of religion within the books. We discussed the attractions that the characters felt. My kids were 9 and 11. My daughter read the Twilight series, and we watched the films when she turned 12. We talked about how Bella and Edward waited to have sex until they were married, even though this is not realistic in our day and time. Other parents know this, and I can feel them judging me when we share a bus to field trips.

      My thing is that I am trying to be realistic. I know the statistics. I’ve taught middle school. I’ve heard 13 year old girls talk about getting pregnant and how cute their babies would be. I’ve also taught those girls who get pregnant and never finish school. I’ve seen kids on drugs, and I’ve even known kids who did sexual favors for drugs. So, I want my kids to know how real things are in this day and age. I want them to be informed about everything I can possibly think of.

     We live in a very conservative state (Alabama), and abstinence is taught, which is good but unrealistic. Most of my friends lost their virginity around age 15, and that was 15 years ago. Today, the average age of girls losing their virginity is 13. So, I want my kids to be well-informed before they make that kind of decision.

      In my own experience, I had one “talk,” and it went something like this, “Sex is something that should happen between a husband and wife.” My mom told me that she had raised me (I was around 13), and she hoped that I would make the right decision and tell her when I did. Luckily, I had a smart boyfriend who took me to the clinic to get on birth control. However, when we broke up, I wasn’t so smart, and I ended up pregnant my senior year of high school. This wasn’t the worst thing that could’ve happened to me, and in fact, I truly believe it was the best. My daughter changed my life for the better. Ignorance is not bliss when you’re a bored teenager in a small town. I was hanging out with a bad crowd and headed down a scary road filled with parties and drugs. Getting pregnant made me straighten my act up. But, like I said, I know that it could’ve been worse. Not having discussed the consequences of stupidity as a teenager, I was making horrible decisions. I put myself into a lot of situations that could have ended my life, and I now feel like it was mostly because I was a stupid teenager, but also because I was lectured instead of informed. There is a difference, especially for teens. Teens do not want to listen to adults telling them what to do and how stupid they are. Teens need guidance.

     Ultimately, I know that in the end I will probably have screwed my kids up anyway because I am human. I’d just like to know someone else’s opinion on my parenting skills.